every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Welp...herpes.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
