Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
