distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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