Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
