I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
