Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Its about making memories worth repressing
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
