we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize