flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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