I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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