awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize