my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
