I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
