she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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