i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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