There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
