birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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