I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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