They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
