There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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