I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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