i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
this hospital has no fireball
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
