OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize