Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
