its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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