You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
