So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
