shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
