And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
