He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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