New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
