I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
