does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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