i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
