if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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