Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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