Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
