Pappa wants mamma naked
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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