i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
