my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
