I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i love accidental penises.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
