I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I think I just sharted jello shots
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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