Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
