Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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