You made me cry and you don't even care
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
