They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
