you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
did i walk over a car last night?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
