Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
