I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
