I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Say something about gay babies.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize