You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
