so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
