It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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