the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
