my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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