Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
