WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
