So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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