I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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