so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
