8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
