i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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