I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
