He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I AM VODKA MAN
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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