I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
