I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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