fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
