A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
