i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Sorry about my life...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
