I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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