she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Don't tell me you're on acid again
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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